Weight Update and more - 11/15/08

Shortly after my last weight update post, I weighed myself again and thankfully, it has decreased to 190! However, I've been eating more (probably more than my daily calorie intake recommendation) so I haven't gained any more weight but I haven't lost anymore either. Oh well, I know that once I go back to my calorie reduced diet, I'll be losing again. Most of my pants are far too big now so I wear a belt but it's obvious that they're too big given the size below the waist and the legs. I'm not buying any new clothes though until I reach my target weight.

My head is much clearer now that the cogentin has gone through my system. It is really bizarre that I could take it for 2 or 3 years without any untoward effects. There are only two differences between now and before; I'm taking Wellbutrin anti-depressant in addition to Zoloft and I'm on Haldol as opposed to Risperdal.

My son stayed at his Mom's last night. I was depressed as soon as I dropped him off. I think it's because I just like spending time with him and am so used to having him around all the time - he's like my little buddy. I dreaded going home to silence and being alone so I hung around Brockville for a bit and got dinner for myself. I got even more depressed when I walked in the house and it was just me and Scotty (my baby pug). I wrote an e-mail to my ex-husband but didn't send it. It was rather nasty but it felt better at least releasing my thoughts and feelings in written form (thus partly the reason I have this blog). I was thinking about suicide and the fact that I had 8 days worth of pills and combined with some alcohol, I may just succeed. I was considering going to the store to get some booze. Needless to say, I didn't follow through with that plan. Instead, I took Scotty out one last time for the night then went to bed at 7PM. I felt much better when I woke up this morning.

On another totally unrelated note, I started addictions counselling a few weeks ago. I don't really think I'm an alcoholic totally rather I feel I'm a situational alcoholic meaning that I tend to drink a lot when I'm in a bad place in my life. It's going fairly well although I missed my last appointment because I was debilitated that day - lying in bed dozing in and out all day. I called to reschedule a few days ago but haven't heard anything back yet.

That's all I have to say for now.

TTFN,

...J