Anti-psychotics and ACT teams, or the lack thereof

My Mom will be advocating on my behalf to the boss of the ACT team in Brockville in an attempt to get me back on the team in the interim until I have been "approved" for the KW ACT team and placed on the waiting list.  Yes, "approved" - apparently the KW team must qualify me first for their team by ensuring I'm "sick enough" to warrant being on an ACT team.  I found this out about a week ago while speaking with the manager of the team in KW.  Furthermore, the fact that the Brockville team discharged me does not help my case out with the KW team as they must assume that the Brockville team discharged me on the basis that I was doing well enough to no longer require the support of a team.  This despite that I told them the only reason they discharged me was because I was relocating to KW and they (the Brockville team) assumed that I would get on the KW team immediately.  Assumptions assumptions.  I have learned both professionally and in my personal life that one should never assume anything - always ask and confirm before taking action.  If only the Brockville team members had the same philosophy.

My Mom and I did some research on the Ontario Act Association (OAA) which is an organization that provides regulations in which all Ontario ACT teams follow and right in the discharge requirements section of their policies, it clearly states that should a team client relocate out of the geographical area of the team then that team will continue to follow the client until such time that they are receiving equivalent services in their new geographic region.  Aha, so something we can work towards in our case to get me back on the Brockville team.  When I mentioned to the Brockville team leader about our research on this and the fact that I was discharged when I should not have been, she just acted dumbfounded that I even knew about the OAA.  Thanks Mom.

When I spoke with the Brockville team leader last week, all she could offer was to provide me with the KW crisis line which was, as suspected, completely useless.  Crisis lines generally are to provide somebody in need to talk to somebody, typically a volunteer who has very little, if any, training in the mental health field and is generally used for lonely people that just need human interaction.  This is not what I need - I need my meds to be reviewed and adjusted as necessary.  More specifically, I feel that my haldol is not at an adequate dose and from reading some materials on schizophrenia that I recently purchased, I would like to try to replace risperidone with a different medication that is generally thought to be the best for ongoing psychotic symptoms such as what I've experienced for years now.  I believe it's called Clorazil or some such.

Risperidone, being an atypical (newer) anti-psychotic, has several possible side effects, the most prominent being loss of libido which I am experiencing and weight gain which I believe I have experienced slightly since being put back on it and most recently had my dosage increased.  I have not looked up the side effects of the other medication that I want to try but if it will rid me of the delusions and voices then I'm definitely willing to try it.  While all medications have side effects, haldol has given me very little and the most significant side effect that one can get from haldol can be subsided through the prescription of another medication called Cogentin.  The only side effect I have experienced with haldol is the tics, medically known as tardive dyskenesia (sp?) which is involuntary movements of muscles primarily in the face.  This is presently very minimal and basically consists of the corner of my mouth drooping at times, mainly at times of stress.  One other interesting side effect well known with risperidone is the ability for one to excrete breast milk (even in men) due to the increase in prolactin that it causes - something I've been VERY fortunate to have never experienced even when I was on 6mg / day (presently on 2mg / day) before.

The voices have diminished recently and overall I am not as uneasy about the world in terms of being under the impression that I'm being watched although I do have this occasionally at work.  I was in and out of training all of this week and  have kept my personal calls to an absolute minimum while at my desk which is likely why I have not felt like the two spies at work that sit across and diagonally from me are so interested in what I'm doing anymore.  As long as I maintain no or very few personal calls while at my desk then there is nothing they can report back to my boss.  I still continue to only have a smoke approximately every hour and a half so even if the security guards do monitor my movements and smoke breaks, they are reasonably spread out so as to not warrant termination of my employment.  However, having said that, my training is now over so it's back to my desk I go come next week so we'll see how I feel after this weekend in this regard.

This weekend I'm at my Mom's with my son for the long weekend - something I've really been looking forward to.  It's been three weeks since I was down in the Brockville area and seen my son so it was a huge relief to see him when I arrived last night.  He was up and waiting for me at 23:30 when I arrived.  I was worried that he may have given up thinking that I wasn't coming down and just went to bed but he didn't.

Today I've felt very lethargic and have spent most of the day in bed drifting in and out of consciousness and generally have had the feeling that I really just wish to remain alone - away from everybody.  The odd thing is that I never feel this way towards my son - just everybody else.  I could be around my son 24x7 and it wouldn't bother me a bit.  I do feel that having my son around helps me get through my illness as he's a very strong inspiration for me to try and block out the effects of the illness.  While my paranoid delusions and voices do not generally subside anymore than usual when my son is around, I find that I can somewhat ignore them when he's around.  I firmly believe that he is what has kept me as sane as possible over the years since becoming ill and without him, I'd likely be homeless or at the very least, living in a mental health group home and hospitalized far more times than I actually have been.  I consider my son my best anti-psychotic medication although I must admit, there have been several times where his presence just hasn't been enough and I've gone loopy despite him being around, as my family can attest to.

Anyways, speaking of my son, I told him I would go downstairs and cuddle with him while he plays XBOX so I best get down there.  Stay tuned for further updates on my state of mind, ACT teams and general update ramblings.

...J