Random ramblings of frustration and a look toward my future

I went to the walk-in clinic today to get my monthly Haldol (anti-psychotic) injection.  This time, unlike other times, I actually told the doctor that I was having issues such as delusions and voices sometimes.  As expected, the doc said that there wasn't much he could do from a walk-in clinic but he was willing to refer to me to a psychiatrist.  He completed the paperwork for the referral and gave it to the nurse. When I asked if they had any idea as to how long it would take to get an appointment, she said that it would likely be two weeks before an appointment was scheduled and it could take at least six months to actually see the specialist.  Surprise surprise.  She elaborated and said that there were not a lot of psychiatrists in the area thus the reason it would take so long but offered for me to go to the hospital if necessary for admission.

It is frustrating as hell to be mentally ill.  When one has a physical illness, generally the most one waits is a week or so to get an appointment and be diagnosed, unless it is a more complex illness, but regardless, attention is paid to the problem and it is addressed as quickly as possible.  One would think that the provincial/federal governments would be taking initiatives to address the mental health system downfalls, especially given the burden mental health issues causes to people entitled to disability, be it through an insurance company or even closer to home for the government such as social disability.  I was on Ontario Disability Support Program (ODSP) for about five years, something I never even considered until I was destitute and had no other choice.  Fortunately for me as well as the provincial government (and taxpayers), I was able to run my own consulting business for most of that time resulting in only a small subsidy from ODSP but since I self-employed, I still heavily relied on the ODSP benefit system for prescriptions and dental.  Programs such as ODSP must cost the government a fortune in total social benefits and could be relieved by having people with mental disabilities properly supported through psychiatry and proper, industry recognized counseling services designed to relieve symptoms and allow at least a significant portion of the mentally ill to return to work.  I'm not saying that psychiatry and therefore medicine is the solution to all mental illness (sometimes medicine is not even required and can be addressed to psychosocial counseling) but if there was more of an incentive financially to become a psychiatrist then it would result in many more such specialists.  From what I recall, the average time period a psychiatry resident must remain in residency is five years - a far cry from the two years for a GP.  I just don't see the need to study beyond the four year medicine schooling for a whopping additional five years to become a psychiatrist over two years for a doctor that is responsible for diagnosing a great deal of illnesses such as a GP.  Furthermore, it is also my understanding that a GP has much more earning potential than a psychiatrist especially when a psychiatrist chooses to work for an institution such as a hospital.  There are VERY few private practice psychiatrists and those that are in private practice are overwhelmed with illnesses that a GP is generally more than qualified to deal with (i.e. minor depression or anxiety) so it takes months if not years to see a private practice psychiatrist and generally just about the same amount of time to see a psychiatrist that works out of an institution.

I have been in the mental health system for a long time now and have come to learn a lot about the field.  I have had a gamut of psychiatrists over the years with all my moves and some were good and some not so good.  I recall my first psychiatrist in the Brockville Mental Health Centre back in 2004 I believe.  It was his solution to everything to heavily medicate each patient with a drug called Nozinan.  Nozinan has many uses - it can be used as an anesthetic, anti-psychotic and for anxiety at low doses.  I recall that he put me on 100mg at bedtime and 25mg PRN (taken as requested by the patient for such things as anxiety) and for about a month of being in the hospital, I was a complete zombie!  I could barely talk or function because I was so drugged up with Nozinan.  At this point in my illness, my diagnosis was major depression and a few anxiety disorders that follow me to this day - hardly an illness that required such heavy use of Nozinan.  I changed doctors and she put me on a heavy dose of Seroquel (an atypical anti-psychotic) in addition to my anti-anxiety and anti-depression meds.  This was much more tolerable and allowed me to sleep at night but be awake and "with it" during the day.  It was at this time that my diagnosis was changed to bipolor disorder (aka manic-depressive).  It was not until a year or so later, when I had several episodes of hallucinations, delusions, hearing voices and such that my diagnosis was changed to schizo-affective disorder which is very much like schizophrenia and a mood disorder combined.  I now have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and a few anxiety disorders that have followed me all throughout my illness and finally feel that I have a proper diagnosis based on my symptoms over the years and the fact the treatment is working for the most part.  Schizophrenia can and often includes episodes of depression and OCD-like symptoms which I've had since I was a little boy delivering newspapers.  As well, it is not uncommon for a schizophrenic to have significant issues surrounding social settings and maintaining relationships, something I've struggled with all my life so really, my various diagnosis's can be summed up to one, being schizophrenia.

I recently subscribed to a magazine published in Canada but distributed throughout Canada and the US called Schizophrenia Digest.  As well, I also purchased a couple of DVDs that describe the schizophrenic experience and recovery of the person who founded the magazine.  They consist of a speech and TV interview and I found them compellingly similar to my experiences over the years and overall was helpful to feel that I was not struggling with this illness alone.  Bill MacPhee, the founder and a sufferer of schizophrenia gave me inspiration and hope that I too could live with schizophrenia while functioning in, for the most part, a normal environment.  Bill has a wife and three children - a rarity for a schizophrenic and seems very in-tune with his illness, much as I am as well so it was great to hear and watch the DVDs.

Having seen the DVDs though makes me want to do something to help out other sufferers of this very debilitating disease but I just don't see myself leaving my prestigious, well-paying job to work as a peer support worker as that is about the only thing in mental health that I would qualify for.  I'm going to instead try and join some associations, volunteering and I'd love to have the courage to provide public talks in a small setting to families of and sufferers of schizophrenia and other mental illnesses.  Something to think about and work towards I guess.